B"H

I've had to face the fact that I'm very unlike most Orthodox
Jews.

Though there is most certainly a basic common ground, the emphasis of
my approach to Yehadut and halakhah is different than that of the
Orthodox world, in it's many expressions. I've frankly never felt
completely comfortable in the Orthodox world, although I am
uncompromisingly, even fanatically, Orthodox. There are those who
won't believe that, because I don't cover my hair; but those Charedim
who know me know my deveikut is absolute.

O.K. I'll come out. For many years I've known that I'm a gilgul of an
Isi (Essene). I have brief flashes of memories of that life and it
was the time of the most complete spiritual and social happiness that
I can recall in this world, even though the external events of those
times were so difficult.

There are those who call the Isi'im "minim". That is both an
anachronism and a baseless insult. The Isi'im, in their time, were
highly respected and were not considered apostates in any way.
Because the Jews have not admitted to our spiritual (and physical!)
debt to the Isi'im and have blotted out the memory of their names and
their halakhic decisions, the Christians and pagans have stepped into
the vacuum and are claiming the Isi'im as their own. It may very well
have been that Yeshua ben Miriam was influenced, in part, by the
Isi'im and/or that Yochanan HaMatbil was an Isi. Yeshua was
influenced, in part, by the most prominent and respected Prushim
(Pharisees) of his time as well, Prushim whose halakhic decisions we
follow, unquestioningly, to this day. Shall we discard the teachings
of the Purushim who are mentioned in our writings and in the
Christian writings as being Yeshua's teachers? None of us would even
entertain this possibility. If we do not reclaim the Isi'im as our
own they will be remembered in conjuctions with the Christians. But
they are our ancestors and their gilgulim who live today are our
brothers and sisters, they may even be us !

Why is there no rememberance of the Isi'im in the extant writings of
the Prushim? The Tzdokim (Sadducees) are remembered. The Kanay'im
(Zealots) are remembered. The Isi'im are of our flesh, blood and
spirit, how can we disown them and blot out their memory? It is for
us to reinstate them in the great body of Jewry, to acknowledge their
contributions to halakhah, to remember their absolute self-sacrifice
in the war against the Roman pagans whose descendants today are
usurping their glory, and, please God, for some of us to reconstruct
their way of life.

I, personally, feel the need to return to that Judaism, to that way
of life. I know that there are other Jews like me who know they are
Isi'im, and not Prushim.

Doreen